True compassion starts with self-compassion. It is only when you realise, and soften to your own perceived imperfections that you can soften to others.
The things that trigger you in others are either the things you have subconsciously rejected about yourself, or the things you consciously don't like about yourself, because of prior conditioning. Compassion to self brings compassion for others.
Where are the areas of life that you give yourself a really hard time? Is it at work when things to go as planned, or at home when you are not as patient as you would like, or do you give a hard time to your body: being not big, not strong, or not thin enough...? Where do you give yourself a harsh time? Is that serving you? How do you feel when your inner critic comes along to tell you how defective you are? Probably not great! Note that the inner critic's highest intention to keep you on the right path, it is not the intention but the approach the inner critic uses that is not effective.
What would it look like for you if you were to bring compassion to yourself, like true radical compassion, in those moments where the inner critic arrive? What would that change? How would you feel?
Here are the 3 biggest acts of self-compassion you can gift to yourself:
1) Watch your inner critic
Recognise him or her when he or she shows up. A few examples: " Oh I am so stupid, why did I say or do that!" "I am so lazy." "She is so thin and pretty and look at me.." "I don't earn enough money."
Observe how those words makes you feel. Is this serving you in this moment? Is it serving anyone in this moment? If not, choose to transmute the inner critic and bring compassion here to the part of you that might have behaved not in the best way or the part of you that is wounded.
Take a breath and relax, soften your heart space and shoulders. And ask yourself: what would compassion look like? What would you say to your best friend if he or she was talking to himself or herself like that?
What would love do?
Create new and empowering beliefs that will serve your life and those people around you better!
2) Treat your body like she deserves
Rest when tired, move everyday, eat nourishing food, sleep according to her needs, spend time in nature, hydrate hydrate hydrate... There is no better act of self-love than taking care of your vessel. This is your biggest asset, and the way you treat your body is the master volume of everything else: it impact your energy, mood, mental health. Big time.
3) Ask for what you need
In what areas of your life is it hard to ask for what you need? Can you ask for a higher pay at work? Some time to rest to your kids or partner? Some time for yourself? Some boundaries with your ex? Some support when you are sick?
Being able to ask for what you need is a direct reflection of what you think you deserve, what you think about yourself, your self-esteem.
So take the time to connect to your needs and the areas of your like where you haven't asked for what you need. Make a list. Start with the easy one to build skill and momentum.
Asking for what you need is not selfish, it will create a more honest authentic relationship with others, and enable them to also honour their own needs. You are giving them the gift of being able to help and support. The gift of trust. Which for all of us humans is energising and empowering.
4) Connect with others with authenticity
Being authentically yourself is an act of self-compassion. There is nothing more draining than wearing a personality mask all day long: the happy one, the achiever, the people pleaser, the perfect one, the strong one, the "I don't need any help" one, the victim one...
Welcome what is true for you in this moment. Have the courage to be vulnerable, authentic. Share your feelings with love and courage and create deeper connections. Show compassion, give support, be there the way you can and are willing to. And see what happens around you, in your groups, community...
Would love to hear what your acts of self-compassion are, so feel free to send me an email and start an honest conversation!
Here is a self-love meditation series for you to enjoy!
With love and gratitude,